


You're Such a Loser

by cloakoflevitation



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, No Beta – Trying is Hard, Post-Episode: Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, Song: Such a Loser (Garfunkel and Oates)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26049904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloakoflevitation/pseuds/cloakoflevitation
Summary: Set immediately post DWIT. Remus comes to visit Virgil. There's some insults and some roundabout cheering up and comforting. I just wanted Virgil to think Remus had shown up to make him feelevenworse but then... maybe not?The first half is Virgil thinking Remus is being an asshole and the second half is him realizing actually Remus is being sweet in his weird way.***Warnings: Swearing
Comments: 19
Kudos: 94





	You're Such a Loser

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jae_Ex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jae_Ex/gifts), [WantedButcher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WantedButcher/gifts).



> Special thanks to my lovely friend Jess who introduced me to [Such A Loser](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw2qEUwFbGM) by Garfunkel and Oates and the potential it has for Remus and Virgil post DWIT. I couldn't help but write something!
> 
> Additional thanks to @WantedButcher for leaving me a nice comment on a different fic <3

The sight of Thomas staring back at him, speechless, shocked, _scared…_

It was not something Virgil would soon be forgetting. It would haunt his nightmares, his thoughts, his every waking moments.

He rolled over in his bed, scrubbing at his face with his hands, hoping that it would somehow help scrub the memory from his mind as well. He’d been laying face-down, hiding under a blanket for the last half hour or so. When he had first sunk out of Thomas’s living room, he thought he would’ve had a panic attack or a good crying session, but surprisingly he hadn’t done either. Part of him thought he must be in shock – it would certainly explain the empty numbness that had settled deep in his bones. Presumably at some point, the impact of what he had done would hit him and he would have a full-blown meltdown. But for now, he didn’t have the energy to do anything but lay in bed and be miserable, replaying every painful second of his confession over and over in his head.

He almost wished he could get upset and scream and cry. Surely anything would be better than how he currently felt. At the very least, it would give him something to think about besides how much of a complete failure he was.

There was a loud bang, and Virgil found himself on his feet before he even thought about getting out of bed. The door was flung open, making a horrible noise when it collided with the wall behind it, and a figure burst in. By the time he recognized who it was, he was already across the room, pressing them against the wall, one arm over their throat.

Remus’s eyes widened, and then his face split into a teasing smirk. “Excited to see me?”

Virgil blinked. Removed his arm. Stepped back. Rolled his eyes and cursed Remus under his breath.

Remus reached out for him, to do who knew what, and Virgil scowled and stepped even farther away.

“I had almost forgotten about your crazy-fun instincts.”

Something flickered, a blip of something in the back of his mind, but it was drowned out by an all-consuming hopelessness. “What do you want?” he asked Remus, the question coming out with far less bite than he intended. He was so _tired._

Remus shrugged and started aimlessly looking around the room. “Can’t I visit my _favorite_ side?”

“Wow.” Virgil pointedly looked him up and down. “You’ve really let yourself go, _Deceit.”_

“You calling me a liar?”

[1] “I ain’t calling you a truther,” Virgil mumbled under his breath, surprising himself, before shaking off the slip up and accusing, “How long has my room been over here? And how many times have you come to visit?” Without waiting for a reply, he answered his own rhetoric question, “Exactly zero. So tell me what you want or get the fuck out.”

“You’re no fun,” Remus pouted, not taking their conversation seriously. It made Virgil’s fingers itch to do something he knew he would regret.

It wasn’t fair. He was having the worst day ever, his life was officially ruined, but Remus could waltz in like they were old friends, like that was normal, and joke and laugh without a care in the world. It wasn’t fair and Virgil wanted to scream and cry at the injustice of it all.

He had been trying so damn hard, doing things the right way, working with the light sides, even when they hated him, even when they didn’t want him around, and he had finally, _finally,_ earned their trust. Things had started to seem like they might work out for the first time in a long time and now… now it had all been snatched away from him, all due to one single confession.

It wasn’t _fair._ Telling the truth wasn’t supposed to hurt so much. Telling the truth wasn’t supposed to make him a villain. It was supposed to be the right thing to do.

The anger that had flared up inside him died out with little fanfare. He sighed heavily, feeling exhaustion creep further and further into his skin. He let his shoulders slump. It didn’t matter what Remus was here for, because nothing mattered anymore. He all but collapsed onto the edge of his bed and asked again tiredly, “What do you want, Remus?”

“I have something to tell you.”

A pause. Virgil didn’t have the patience for dramatics. “Get on with it then.”

“I heard what you told Thomas.” Remus pointed a finger at Virgil before tapping it on the side of his nose, still smiling like the devil.

All the blood in Virgil’s body simultaneously froze and then dropped somewhere around his knees. Ears ringing, light-headed, he murmured faintly, “What?”

“I know you told him you used to be a dark side.” Remus’s gaze was burning holes in Virgil’s skin. When he spoke, it sounded like it came from somewhere far, far away. “So I came to talk to you.”

“Now isn’t –”

“Because I knew you’d be freaking out and I –”

“Remus –”

“– don’t know how the others are taking it but –”

_“Don’t –”_

“– I wanted to make sure you knew that –”

**“Please.”**

The dark undertones in his voice made Remus hesitate, but only for a second. His expression twisted into something surprisingly gentle, in a way that didn’t seem like it should be possible for him. He shook his head with little tiny movements and finished, “You’re such a loser.”

It wasn’t the worst thing Remus had ever said to him, not by a long shot, but the words stung in a way that they shouldn’t have, in a way that went beyond the mere weight of the words themselves. He should have been able to shake it off, to snap something insulting back, but he couldn’t think of a single response.

_You’re such a loser._

He closed his eyes, wishing for all the world that if he sat still enough and held his breath and thought about it just right, somehow he could crawl into the cracks in space and time and cease to exist.

Remus didn’t say anything more. Or if he did, Virgil didn’t hear him. With his eyes closed, he couldn’t see what Remus was doing, which should have been concerning, but somehow he didn’t care. There were a lot of things he didn’t care about anymore. (If only he could stop caring about everyone’s opinion of him, about _Thomas’s_ opinion of him.)

_You’re such a loser._

He pulled his hood up over his head, wanting to hide in his hoodie. Maybe he could provoke Remus into turning his hoodie into some kind of monster, make it sentient. Then it could eat him and swallow him whole and then maybe he wouldn’t have to think about how he was going to face Thomas ever again.

He pried his eyes open, meeting Remus’s unblinking stare. Waiting had never been Remus’s strong suit, but he seemed to be waiting for something now, watching Virgil with wide eyes and an expectant lift of his eyebrows.

_You’re such a loser._

“I know,” Virgil hissed, angry for one fleeting second, before the emotion was consumed by the void of apathy inside his chest. He couldn’t seem to hold onto any feeling longer than a handful of seconds before he was pulled back into suffocating exhaustion. Quieter, he admitted, “I’m a _failure.”_

“You are!”

Remus’s bright agreement made him flinch.

“You’ve probably just made the biggest mistake of your life,” Remus continued conversationally, no polite obscurity, no sugarcoating. “I’d hate to be you when my brother hears about all this. Not that Professor Pretentious or Colonel Compassion [2] will be much better either.”

“The others,” Virgil breathed, ignoring Remus’s solemn nodding. _“Fuck.”_ The others had barely registered as something he needed to worry about, what with him being more concerned about Thomas’s reaction. But there was no doubt that Thomas would tell them who he was, _what_ he was, and then they would hate him just as much. He ran his fingers through his hair, knocking his hood back, not that he noticed or cared. His gaze darted over to the door, afraid that Remus wouldn’t be the only visitor he would have. If the others came… if they tried to make him leave… His breath caught thinking about what they might do.

And what would _he_ do, if the worst happened? Could he resign himself to playing the role of villain again?

Grimly, he remembered Roman’s katana and wondered if Roman would use it. Could he hurt his friends, if they tried to hurt him? Could he leave the home he had built here with them, if they chased him out? How far were they willing to go to force him away? And how far was he willing to go in retaliation?

It seemed his life was spiraling into one impossible choice after the next.

“I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling, and I’ve got a pretty good imagination.” Remus’s idly pleasant tone of voice was in direct opposition to the sharp look in his eyes and his calculated nonchalance. “You turned your back on me, Janus, everything you’ve ever known, and for what? For this? For people who don’t want your input? People who can’t accept you as you are? People who put us in boxes and label us whatever they want to fit their narrative?”

“Remus,” Virgil pleaded weakly, feeling each word like a knife in his back.

“How long did it take? How long did you work for acceptance? And all it took was one little truth – six words – and everything you built comes crashing down.”

_Because I was one of them._

Remus held out his hand and little figures appeared in his palm. It took Virgil a moment to realize they were exactly like the stick figures Patton had drawn on the famILY card he had given him. “Everything you worked so hard for…” He held out his other hand and stick figures of himself and Janus appeared. “Everything you gave up…” He closed his hands and the figures dissolved into smoke that slid through his fingers, floating towards the floor, disappearing into wisps. “And now you have nothing.”

“I…”

“Well,” Remus chuckled, and it sent chills down Virgil’s spine. “Not _quite_ nothing. You have your humiliation, your regrets. Memories of what you lost. And perhaps… a broken heart?” There was a taunt in that last part, about Virgil having gone soft, about caring for the light sides, about not being cared for in return.

A sob clawed its way out of his throat.

 _Just hit me over the head with your morning star,_ he thought helplessly. _It would surely hurt less._

Suddenly Remus was much closer, standing in front of where he sat on the bed, startling him into looking up. “You lost, for now. You made a fool of yourself, in ways not even _I_ have attempted.” He promptly knelt on the floor at Virgil’s feet, one hand on Virgil’s knee where he sat on the edge of the bed. He felt the tapping of Remus’s fingers through his jeans. Virgil tried to say something, tried to ask what was going on, what he meant, but Remus’s expression twisted into something Virgil couldn’t name, and Remus pressed, “You understand that, don’t you? You did something none of us have ever attempted before. You _switched sides._ You did the fundamentally impossible.”

Virgil’s eyes widened, feelings that he couldn’t put into words lurking just behind his expression.

Remus pulled his hand away, sitting back on his heels, one hand coming up to tug on his sash. “Of course, you’ve gone and fucked it all up now, so maybe it really is impossible after all.” He rolled his shoulders in a shrug. “But you _tried._ You tried when no one else did, and you’re fucking _Anxiety!_ Of all of us, you’d be the last one to try anything! But here you are.”

Something gentle flared in Virgil’s chest, and he saw traces of it pulling at the corners of Remus’s mouth. Nostalgia hit him like a freight train.

“But here you are,” Remus repeated, softer. “You’re a loser. Hands down, the biggest fool imaginable. Truly an idiot if ever I knew one.” He let out a huff that could have passed as laughter. “I’ve never seen someone fall so far, seen someone ruin their own life so completely like you have.” Emotion shone like stars in his eyes. “But holy fuck, if I’m not a little envious.”

“Of –” Virgil’s voice caught. Somehow he knew he wasn’t quite being made fun of. He blinked and swallowed hard and tried again. “Of me?”

Remus nodded and shrugged. Smiled helplessly. Stood up. Turned away. One of his hands tapped meaningless patterns into his leg, and the other went up to his face. If Virgil had to say, he would have guessed he was chewing on the side of his thumb.

Virgil wiped at his eyes with the ends of his sleeves, trying to shove all the things he was feeling further down inside him.

Remus cleared his throat. His voice was rough and low, and Virgil instantly knew they would never speak of this moment again. “I hate you for leaving.” Then he was quiet, and Virgil waited, not quite breathing as he listened. “But I’m… proud. Of you.”

Fresh tears pooled in his eyes, only to be soaked up by his sleeves for a second time.

If they both sat still for a few moments, trying to gain control of their emotions, no one needed to know.

Remus’s hands were pulled down by his sides, clenched into fists, and then released. When he turned around, his mischievous smirk was back. “But I’m sure _Daddy_ will talk to ickle Tommy and smooth everything over. Heaven knows, that bubbly moron is all false smiles and fake perfection. If anyone could fix things, it’s him.”

Virgil recoiled upon hearing Remus call Patton _Daddy_ with his own two ears. “Please never refer to Patton like that again,” Virgil deadpanned, almost managing to exude an air of indifference, as if he wasn’t crying minutes before.

Pulling a face, Remus said offhandedly, “All it will take is three idiots, two hugs, and one heart to heart,” he ticked off the numbers on his fingers as he spoke, “and everything will have gone back to normal. That’s how it always is with them.”

Somehow Virgil doubted it would be that simple, but he appreciated Remus’s attempt at reassurance, despite not understanding the motivation behind it. Feeling reckless and maybe a touch sentimental, he crossed his arms. “I guess worse comes to worst, I’ll be seeing a lot more of you and Janus.”

Surprise flashed across Remus’s face. He looked away for a split second, only to snap his head back immediately after. He wanted to ask something, Virgil knew he did, he could see it, but Remus shut his mouth without a sound.

Seeing Remus speechless made Virgil laugh. “That won’t be a problem, will it?”

Remus choked on nothing and managed to get out, “I’m sure I can squeeze in time for you somewhere.”

He smiled wickedly and gave a shallow bow. “How generous. I know you have such a busy schedule.” He rolled his eyes and was rewarded with a startled laugh from Remus, bright and high and warm and round and _happy_. He watched Remus laugh until silence fell again, feeling the void inside him get a tiny bit smaller.

Then the good humor slipped from his demeanor, but it couldn’t be helped. Not even this _,_ whatever _this_ was, could fix everything that was broken, between him and Thomas, between him and Remus, between him and the others. But it was a start, maybe. It was something.

“I’m leaving,” Remus announced.

They both stood still, staring at each other. Virgil was faintly surprised to find he didn’t want Remus to go just yet. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked down at his shoes, scuffing one foot in the fibers of the carpet. “Do you… want to hit something?”

“As if you need to ask!” As expected, Remus was delighted. “To the Imagination!” But he didn’t move. He raised an eyebrow, and Virgil understood then that Remus didn’t think he would actually follow through with it.

He met Remus’s gaze evenly and smirked, ignoring the nervousness bubbling just under his skin, screaming for him to crawl back into bed. “Well? Let’s go.”

Instead of leaving Virgil’s room and going to Remus’s room and walking through the door to the Imagination, Remus held his hand out defiantly into the space between them – a challenge.

The picture it made was so startling familiar, Virgil almost felt like he had stepped back in time. A million memories flashed through his mind, of fights and arguments and all manner of disastrous adventures from when they were younger, all starting exactly like this. He rolled his eyes and took the offered hand, letting Remus pull them through the Mindscape into the Imagination. For the first time that day, he finally felt like he had made the right choice.

It didn’t stop him from shoving Remus the moment they appeared in the Imagination though, and he scoffed, “Dumbass.”

Remus’s grin was blinding. “Loser.”

**Author's Note:**

> [1] "You calling me a liar?" "I ain't calling you a truther."  
> This is from the show Drake and Josh, if you didn't know. I imagine that it's one of the things Remus and Virgil (and also Janus) would quote to each other all the time, but it's been a while since Virgil has done this with them.
> 
> [2] Professor Pretentious and Colonel Compassion  
> This is a reference to the game/book/movie Clue. Remus has changed Professor Plum and Colonel Mustard's names to reference Logan and Patton.
> 
> My only regret is I didn't work the line _so here's to you_ into this.


End file.
